Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Now I'm scared....



After 7+ years in remission, my disease is progressing.


"Progress"--what a normally pleasant word for such a horrible event!


My tumor marker values have been bobbing around over the past 3 years, but have generally maintained an equilibrium around 3x above the upper limit of the normal range. A couple of PET scans in the past two years showed stable-to-decreasing activity. But this summer, my marker was increasing again, so my doc ordered a PET scan only a half-year after the previous one. And this scan shows increased activity in the main tumor site (right second rib) and new activity in my lumbar spine (L4 vertebra) and left  pelvis.


This means new tumors.


This is very bad news.


The usual course for metastatic breast cancer is a cycle of chemotherapy treatment / tumor response / remission / tumor progression / another chemotherapy treatment / tumor response / remission / tumor progression / yet another chemotherapy treatment / tumor response / remission...until the tumors no longer respond to chemotherapy, and the disease spreads through vital organs, eventually causing death. With 7 years of remission after the initial chemotherapy, I figured I was on velvet.


Now, I have to fight again. I have to start a new chemotherapy treatment that often brings debilitating side effects. I am already scarred by the previous treatment that was successful for so long: not only the obvious, permanent loss of my hair, but significant neuropathy in my hands and feet. I have lost some sensation and motor control; although I can cope, and am still working, hiking, and making music and art, it's harder than it used to be. And if I get over-tired or forget a dose of my medication (gabapentin), I get tingling/jangling sensations and frequent, painful, uncontrollable, Dr. Strangelove-type muscle contractions. Not fun.


The new chemotherapy has a side-effect called "hand-foot" syndrome, which can range in severity from slight redness/swelling to skin sloughing off. The patient care info sheet I received at my clinic helpfully suggests that one way I can try to avoid this is to avoid extended walking and use of hand tools. Now, some of my favorite activities are hiking, stone carving, and playing musical instruments. Do we see a problem here?


So...in order to try and buy some more time on this beautiful planet, I have to expose myself to a treatment that can prevent me from doing the things I love. That's the deal, and I accept. We'll see how this goes....

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